| Lost
in the erogenous zone |
|
It’s
an unfortunate collision of a few trends: the long-accepted belly-button-as-erogenous-zone
trend getting its freak on with the vanilla-as-perfume trend, with
a healthy spritz of random reality-TV/Christian rock celebrity.
Meet Jessica Simpson’s Deliciously Kissable Belly Button Love
Potion. No, it’s not a wacky new Tom Robbins paperback about
gypsies in Romania accidentally finding the sources of all life
beneath the lion’s cage in the cosmetic department of Selfridge’s
in London after a would-be supermodel channels an ancient deity,
although you could be forgiven for thinking it is. Let’s set aside the obvious gross-out factor and look to history for an explanation of the appeal of shimmery navel fragrance. The earliest perfume was used in ancient Egypt, in the form of scented oils and creams used as part of elaborate bathing rituals by both women and men. Certain fragrances were reserved for certain parts of the body; rose, lily and spice scents were popular. Wealthy Egyptians were even buried with their perfume; not only were aromatic oils part of the embalming process, but pots of fragrances were left in tombs. Romans learned from the Egyptians, perfuming themselves and their horses, too. They carried vials of scent with them throughout the day, although their vials probably didn’t have roll-on applicators. Use of perfume in the Western world declined with the rise of Christianity, until trade routes revitalized during the Crusades brought scents from the East back to Europe. In France, women favored scents of lavender and orange water. In the 18th century, delicate floral perfumes became popular among French royalty. With the Industrial Revolution came mass-produced synthetic perfumes (vanilla, violet). Strong scents like patchouli and heliotrope were popular, presented in bottles decorated with illustrated labels. The 20th century brought all kinds of fragrance trends -- ‘60s style patchouli and sandalwood, the Opium of the ‘70s, aggro elevator-polluters like Obsession and Poison in the ‘80s, clean and unisex in the ‘90s and a return to retro classics nowadays. You can buy lotion that smells like cupcakes, freshly cut grass, lemonade, caramel. Perfumes by the company Demeter smell just like leather, sawdust, glue, a bonfire, even a funeral home. Body-part-specific options are available for your feet, hair, lips, fingernails...and navel. I doubt anyone will request to be buried with Jessica Simpson’s Deliciously Kissable Belly Button Love Potion. Despite the handy applicator, it’s hard to picture anyone carrying the product around with them, as discretely applying the stuff like a quick swipe of lipstick doesn’t really seem exactly ladylike. Etiquette denizens get in enough arguments about touching up lipstick after dinner—I dare say Emily or Gloria would hardly dignify the discussion of applying belly-button makeup in public. Americans have accepted belly-button exposure in urban settings for a good decade or so now; navel jewelry has ceased to be the least bit shocking and there are other options for festooning the belly—tattoos, henna, crystals. Navel-as-erogenous zone has been thoroughly discussed and there’s no need to explore the phenomena now. The important question is this: Who finds the idea of Jessica Simpson’s Deliciously Kissable Belly Button Love Potion sexy? Does Nick Lachey, Simpson’s husband? As far as I know they have not brought the topic up on MTV’s Newlyweds, so we’re left with pure speculation. But if perfume on the pulse points—wrists, neck—is a subtle olfactory invitation to lean in closer, what does perfume in the belly button invite? I’ll leave that to you to imagine. With
super-extra-mega-scandalous low rise jeans creating ever-lumpier
derrieres and bulgy love handles, maybe Jessica Simpson’s
Deliciously Kissable Belly Button Love Potion marks a nadir in the
navel-bearing trend. Put bluntly, is there anything tackier? Of
course, designers have already eschewed the body-conscious tweeny
Delia’s look in favor of a more dignified, elegant, European
aesthetic for women, so those who have already invested $34 in two
tiny vials of scented shimmer better get rolling. A2P
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