ARIES
March 21 - April 19
Long hours at work will leave you tired and irritable. Don’t
be surprised if nobody makes plans with you, they’re just
trying to avoid any silly arguments that may occur due to your attitude.
Decide what your priorities are; you have the choice to either get
paid or have fun.
TAURUS
April 20 - May 20
Don’t feel as if you need to choose a side if friends don’t
get along. Avoid getting involved in any conflicts that arise between
your buddies. If you feel pressure from a friend to pick a side,
ignore it—you don’t want to lose either one of your
companions.
GEMINI
May 21 - June 21
If mom’s cranberry dressing is all you’re looking forward
to on Thanksgiving, maybe you should use the time off for that vacation
you’ve been planning. If you fly out of town around the time
the first football is tossed you could be relaxing on the beach
by turkey time.
CANCER
June 22 - July 22
Work is a good place for flirtation, but it is a bad place for romance.
Try to avoid getting involved in a relationship with a coworker.
When you date someone you work with you never get any time for yourself;
at home and on the job, your partner will be there breathing down
your neck, making sure you don’t have a chance to mess up.
In addition, when the relationship is over you could end up losing
your job.
LEO
July 23 - August 22
Financially you are in a great deal of trouble. You should have
realized how large your debt was when you were shuffling through
your deck of maxed-out credit cards at the store the other day.
Switching balances from card to card won’t work for very much
longer. You need to think of an ingenious way to make money fast.
VIRGO
August 23 - September 22
Screw the low-carb diet. If we were intended to eat only meat and
vegetables then Dr. Atkins wouldn’t be dead. Dine upon any
savory meal that is to your fancy. Make sure this Thanksgiving that
you get an extra helping of stuffing and mashed potatoes. Don’t
forget the pumpkin pie, it’s delicious too.
LIBRA
September 23 - October 23
‘Tis the season when everything starts to get a bit more hectic
than it is the rest of the year. You need to plan an escape route
from the holiday madness far enough in advance so that you don’t
get trapped in a jungle of tacky dime store decorations. Over-exhaustion
is likely, but can be avoided.
SCORPIO October 24 - November 21
There are some things people don’t want to know about. Although
everyone loves to hear a good story, from now on leave out the filthy
details. If your friends wanted to know about the big boil you have
on your nether region, I’m sure they’d line up outside
of your bathroom door to watch you pop it, but if they don’t
show up, refrain from telling them how it bursts.
SAGITTARIUS
November 22 - December 21Whenever
you feel alone, remember that you are wanted and loved by many.
Although you are far away from the ones you love, they haven’t
forgotten about you, actually they think about you everyday. Your
friends and family wish you would stay in better touch with them
and would like it very much if once in a while you would give them
a call to say “hello.”
CAPRICORN
December 22 - January 19
You don’t need to buy organic, grain-fed fowl from fancy grocers
to have a good Thanksgiving. You could shoot pigeons from your front
porch with a pellet gun and salvage veggies from restaurant dumpsters.
Don’t hate on Jiffy Mix; it’s made in Chelsea.
AQUARIUS
January 20 - February 18
Don’t get upset with your friends if they haven’t been
the best at staying in touch with you lately. They are very busy
working ‘round the clock to make it easy to chill with you
in the future. Everyone will be happy to see each other when things
calm down a bit.
PISCES
February 19 - March 20
Cars are nothing but trouble and your car is no exception. Winter
is a horrible time to sell a car, but you really need to get that
beater off of your lawn. Do whatever it takes to sell it without
letting the buyer think he’s getting a lemon.
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